let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Randomize
