Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
