i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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