watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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