Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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