i just had sex bonerless
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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