Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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