ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize