I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
