now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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