she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
