please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
