I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
