I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
