we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
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