Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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