just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
