i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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