Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
