just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
