So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
