you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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