WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
