I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
