we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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