she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
