Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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