It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
