i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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