Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
