i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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