Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
