i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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