the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
My vagina just clenched in fear
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
