Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
