I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
