She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
