People in love make me want to vomit
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
