Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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