That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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