If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
