Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
