That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My vagina is officially offended.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize