So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
