is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
