It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
third nipple confirmed
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize