You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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