Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
