A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The struggles of a small town man whore
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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