I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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