Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My ass is underappreciated
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
