I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
