i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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