dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize