regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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