suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
