He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
