last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
