You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Sorry about my life...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
