Pants 0. Shit 1.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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