dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
