Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
