What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
