so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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