i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize