And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
