His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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