I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
