mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
