My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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