if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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