You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize