does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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