i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
