I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
now i know why i became what i already was.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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