I can tuck mytits in my pants
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
