only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
